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Monday, July 2, 2012

Ceiling Ninja

My night last night was a lot like "Psycho" with the bath tub and the screaming and the stench of raw fear mixed with Ivory soap.

I like to baste myself like a turkey in the bath tub.  It's not very deep, so I have to flop occasionally if one love handle gets cold... you know how it is.  I had been working in heels all day, so I was just lowering myself back to cover my shoulders in hot water when

IT DROPPED FROM THE CEILING LIKE A NINJA INTO MY BATHTUB.  IT WAS GOING ABOUT 3 FEET PER SECOND.

As I later recounted to my dad, I've seen a lot of Nat-Geo, and I'd say based on that, it was definitely poisonous-sized.  It was beyond the shadow of a doubt malicious in its intent.

Who just drops into a tub with somebody in it?  


I ducked beneath its web and did a barrel roll out of the tub like a SEAL and ran screaming downstairs.  It swung on its invisible web and landed on the bath mat where it became immediately invisible.

Until the second you stepped on it, got bitten, and died while it released babies on your feet to come and kill your family when they grow up.

I still haven't found the you-know-what.  When I go into my bathroom, I pee very cautiously.

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