FREE AMATEUR SHIATSU!
If you're like me, and the phrase, "I've only walked on a spine once, so bear with me..." doesn't freak you out, becoming a shiatsu dummy is one of the coolest things to do around this place. Second only to making tofu cheese. Last night, I did both. Hold on to your socks, kids.
What does it take to be a shiatsu dummy?
Not everybody can be a shiatsu dummy. I would say I'm especially qualified because I have meridians, arms, and unobtrusive body odor. I am the perfect candidate for a shiatsu dummy because I'm reassuring, friendly, encouraging, and I have no hobbies or interests, so I'm free every night. I would select me over other potential shiatsu candidates because I smile reflexively when you hit my lung points.
How long does it take to be a shiatsu dummy?
A lifetime. The best shiatsu dummies are born under the light of the full moon and are raised by wolves or living on abalone or some other extreme stuff. At the age of ten or eleven, they distinguish themselves among their peers by memorizing the dictionary or eating a lot of donuts at a state fair. I distinguished myself at age ten by breaking my arm putting on a t-shirt. This is true.
By adolescence, they are well on the road to becoming a shiatsu dummy. They've got tight shoulders, meridians ripe for massage, and a lot of core heat that needs to be released by a foot on the small of the back.
But if by "How long" you mean "How long does it take to be a shiatsu dummy... the massage part?" I would say two hours.
What is the one thing you wish people knew about shiatsu dummies?
I would say that I wish people didn't just assume we're all broke 20-somethings who don't want to pay for the real thing, but want to experience the luxury to which they've become accustomed.
Who like cookies.
And wear size 10 shoes.