Bandana Drama

Part of my new uniform for the kitchen is a bandana. I'm pretty psyched about it, because y'all know me and accessories. In my head, I was gonna look like the super-tough chefs at Veggie Planet who wear bandanas and have leather jackets with shrapnel all up in them that weigh like, twenty pounds. I have tried on these jackets before. They're like exoskeletons.

I tried out several styles. As it turns out, I can't wear a bandana without looking like:

• A New Kid on the Block
• American Al Quaeda
• Lucille Ball

I'm not sure which of these is worse.

It turns out, some people just don't look cool in bandanas.

I have a friend from Dorchester who, every time she wears a bandana, I swear a Spanish guitar starts playing in the background and someone throws a red rose in her general direction. Another friend of mine has this amazing curly hair and has the most perfect bandana feng shui I've ever encountered. You know those friends you have who look really cool, and late at night you sneak into your bathroom and try to do that thing they did with the bandana? And they look like a magazine editorial and you look tired and crazy?

Yeah.

It's like that.

So over the next five months, we'll just have to wait and see if I can figure out a way to wear this that doesn't make me look like a pontiff or a mountie. I mean, I'm totally up to the challenge. Let's not play games. I'm totally going to conquer the bandana. But I might need to wash some of the starch out of this thing first.