How Not to Be A Healthy Vegan

So I just picked up the Humane Society's "Guide to Meat-Free Meals" from my local vegan restaurant. I love the HS. They do amazing work for animals and prevent needless cruelty and suffering among the most vulnerable members of our society.

That being said, the guide is totally insane.

Almost ever article in the fourteen page guide mentions the health benefits of a vegetarian/vegan diet. And I quote:

"There is no question that largely vegetarian diets are as healthy as you can get."

"The health benefits are clear. People who eat fewer animal products have lower rates of obesity, dementia..."

"The population with the longest life expectancy isn't the Okinawa Japanese or the Mediterranean Sardinians, but California Adventist vegetarians, who live up to 10 years longer than the average American..."

Ok, so here's what's up. I subcontracted for the Adventist church last year and saw how the vegan diet was woven into the fabric of their faith, and it was pretty amazing. There is an entire Adventist subculture devoted to natural healing with foods that should sound pretty familiar to um... everyone reading this blog.

That being said, don't believe every study you read. To say that the Okinawan people (who consume more or less a macrobiotic diet with occasional fish) aren't quite as ripe in the years as the Adventist vegetarians quite literally means that they, on average, die a whopping 17 months before their California counterparts. I'll bet those centenarian Adventist ladies are shaking their wooden ladles in a victory cry right now.

Why am I bringing this up when I totally believe that a (mostly) vegan diet is the secret to a happy long life?

Because the important word in that sentence isn't vegan. It's diet.

And this is important, because in this guide for vegan newbies, the recipes they provide are nutritional crap. And this is important because anybody who eats this food and thinks that they're reducing their chances of obesity, dementia, hemmorhoids, constipation, sudden death, etc. has another thing coming to them. And that thing is probably a yeast infection.

Exhibit A:

Creamy Macaroni and Cheese Casserole

8 ounces pasta, any shape
3 cups Daiya cheddar style shreds
3 tablespoons margarine
¼ teaspoon black pepper
1 tablespoon nutritional yeast (a cheesy-flavored inactive yeast full of vitamins and minerals)
2 cups unsweetened soy or rice milk
½ cup bread crumbs
¼ teaspoon paprika
¼ cup vegan parmesan cheese (optional)

It's vegan, and they managed not to fit a single vegetable in it!

Exhibit B:

Cupcakes

1 ¼ cups flour
¾ cup sugar
½ cup cocoa powder
1 teaspoon baking soda
¼ teaspoon salt
¼ teaspoon instant espresso powder (optional)
1 cup nondairy milk
1 teaspoon vinegar
1⁄3 cup vegetable oil
1 teaspoon pure vanilla extract
½ cup vegan chocolate chips (optional)
Sweet & Sara Vanilla Marshmallows

Frosting

½ cup soy margarine, melted
2⁄3 cup cocoa powder
1⁄3 cup soy, rice, or almond milk
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
3 cups confectioners’ sugar

Ironically, this recipe is juxtaposed against an article about Alicia Silverstone's guide to losing weight on a vegan diet. Here's a great place to start: Don't eat these cupcakes, for the love of God.

Nearly every recipe has some kind of "meat" replacement. Here's what's true:

1. Soysage will never taste like sausage. Ever. Trying to convince people to give up their sausage for soysage is like trying to get someone to give up their Volkswagon Beetle for a wagon.

2. Great vegan food isn't about replacing meat with "meat." It's about eating amazing fruits, vegetables, beans, and grains that could never be replaced by meat. It's about being creative, exploring new foods, and finding out how your body can heal and grow through diet changes.

There are enough great reasons to go vegan without bringing up fake meat. Fake meat and fake dairy are not great reasons to go vegan. They certainly shouldn't be paraded as healthy. That's why this blog is called "Snackro" instead of just "Macro." There's a difference between snack food and real food, and if you're writing a guide telling people how to get healthy by eating a bunch of processed soy and nutritional yeast, that's bogus...