mellow mushrooms

this week, i had to go on a macrobiotic fast to take care of the side effects of the

antibiotics i took.  they were gnarly.

the only thing that got me through it was 'the best of jefferson airplane' and my

subscription to martha stewart weddings.  there were a lot of late nights listening

to "white rabbit" examining floral centerpieces.

i went to the grocery store and picked up some exquisite shrooms.

this is a shiitake mushroom.  to pick a good shiitake, it's crucial

that the mushroom hasn't flared yet.  the edges of the  mushroom

should be curled under, like a teacup flipped upside down.

don't cook with the stems of mushrooms.  they're tough and the

sense i get is that they're very constricting and yang.  they're much

tastier when slow-boiled as an ingredient in soup stock.  i have a

giant stack of frozen shiitake stems in my fridge at home.

mushrooms really do make you mellow.  slivered shiitake

mushrooms finely, boil for fifteen minutes and add a pinch

of sea salt to relieve tension and calm a frayed disposition.

this is a portobello mushroom cap.  i usually don't cook with them

because i think they're too flaky and messy, but it added a nice

chewiness to my spaghetti.

those of you with dishes that predate 1980 must have at least one

iconic, all-american chicken bowl.  i've seen these in almost every

apartment i've been in that wasn't an ikea show model.

there's literally an entire subsection on ebay devoted to them.

i thought that using this bowl would inject my food with that

peaceful, easy feelin'.

ok, so it occurs to me that this picture looks like primordial

mitochondria, so i apologize for how unappetizing it is.

psychedelic psquash pspaghetti

with

mellow mushroom sauce

::ingredients::

two spaghetti squashes

5 cloves garlic

2 shallots

2 tbsp olive oil

sea salt

1 large yellow onion, diced

3 cups diced assorted mushrooms

1/2 cup almond slivers

toasted sesame oil

3 tbsp kuzu dissolved in 5 tsbp cold water

tamari to taste

::squash noodles::

preheat oven to 375.  slice squashes in half, and gut seeds and sprouts with a spoon,

leaving about 1/2 to 1 inch fruit on every side, depending on the initial size of your

squash (see above photograph).  mince garlic and shallots, and fill inside cavity of

each squash half.  pour 1/2 tbsp olive oil, and coat squash and fillings thoroughly.

bake at 375 approximately 1 hour.

::sauce::

stir-fry onion in toasted sesame oil over medium heat until translucent, about 3-5

minutes.  add mushrooms, stir-fry an additional 3-5 minutes until soft, then add

3-4 cups water, almond slivers, bring to a boil, and simmer for 15 minutes.

add tamari and stir.  take your dissolved kuzu mix and SLOWLY fold into

the pot, mixing quickly.  if you pour it all in at once, you'll end up with a

solidified block of creamy jello that tastes like nothing.  it's gross.  make sure

your kuzu is fully incorporated.

once your spaghetti squash is out of the oven, allow it to cool until it's safe to

touch.  grasping the squash, rake the tines of your fork down the sides, peeling

the "noodles" from the squash, and deposit them into a large bowl.  if the squash

is cool, this is really fun.  if the squash is still hot, like mine was last night because

i'm a glutton who might as well just eat out of a trough, it's incredibly painful.

let that be a lesson to wait for it to cool.

spoon a large dollop of your mushroom sauce over your garlicky "noodles,"

pour yourself a big bowl of greens (i used dark kale, below), and enjoy!

mmmm.  groovy.

It's A British Invasion!

What's so special about spring?  Why, it's the anniversary of the Royal Wedding and the Diamond Jubilee of H.R.H. Queen Elizabeth II!  It puts us in a British Persuasion.

So you went macro.  That means no more pub crawls and goodbye figgy pudding.  But Britain is about more than confusing words and binge drinking.  It's about tea!  It's about tiny teacups!  It's about Fish and Chips!

So here are all three.  With love, from me, to you.

FRIED FISH

for your macrobiotic consideration

-------------------------------------------
1 1/2 c. whole wheat flour (corn flour for GF)
1 tsp. arrowroot flour
1-2 c. water
2-3 c. panko flakes (crushed GF Brown Rice Crispies for GF)
5-6 white fish fillets, I like sole or cod
1/2 gallon safflower or dark sesame oil.  Safflower is cheaper
daikon radish
-------------------------------------------

Before beginning your fish, grate 2-3 tbsp. per person of raw daikon radish.  This will help break down all the sinning you're about to do so your large intestine doesn't go on strike.  It's also extremely flushing, so if you're having trouble with loose bowels, skip the grated daikon.  In fact, it's probably best to skip the fried food entirely.  When you get done grating, stick this in the fridge until serving.

Combine 1 cup flour and arrowroot flour, mixing thoroughly.  Add water until the batter takes on a moist consistency similar to pancake batter.  Set up three dipping stations.
STATION 1:  Flouring.  At this station, you will rub the fish around in the remaining 1/2 c. whole wheat or corn flour until it's thoroughly coated.
STATION 2:  Battering.  Take your floured fillets and dip them in your liquid batter, covering all sides and surfaces.
STATION 3:  Breading.  Finally, you'll drop your floured, battered fillets in the panko bread crumbs or crushed brown rice crispies.  Place finished fillets on baking sheet to await frying.

Heat your oil in a deep cast-iron pot.  I always open the windows, because inevitably my smoke alarm goes off, I panic, and my fish burns while I'm running around trying to ventilate the place.  The oil is hot when a drop of batter quickly floats to the top.  Gently lower your fish fillets.  Allow to fry until fish is golden brown, then remove with a small strainer and rest on either a mesh drying rack or a thick stack of paper towels.

For a dipping sauce, try a light sauce of tamari mixed with kombu or bonito soup stock, some grated fresh ginger, and some chopped fresh scallions.  Or if you really want to go British, dip it in a little brown rice vinegar.

Tea & Cups

kate spade :: gardner street green teacup  $38

harney & sons  ::  cherry blossom tin $7

kate spade ::  market street green teacup + plate  $38

teaforte :: organic lemon lavender tea (citrus set)  $24

teaforte :: sontu teacup + saucer  $15

harney & sons ::  indian nimbu looseleaf tin  $13

whittard of chelsea ::  long may she reign cup & saucer  $25

harney & son's ::  paris tea satchet tin $8

British flag motif inspired by zazzle (dot) com.

On the Efficacy of Certain Botanicals

As a tender of tea, I am often asked by the sick (and near dead), what teas will make them feel better.

As a tender of tea in Cambridge, Massachusetts, many of the people I encounter are mean and insane.

This morning, I told a woman on the phone that I wouldn't have her tea ready and waiting for her ten minutes before opening. She paused, then spoke.

"That's just not going to work for me... Becky."

I hate it when people remember my name so that they can try to manipulate me with it later. It's a common technique used by cult members. I took a course on cults in high school, and more to the point, I went to college in a shark tank, so I was prepared to respond:

"It's just going to have to work for you... Thanks!"

Some of these people aren't mean. They're just melting from disease. One of our regular customers came in last week. If we're talking desserts, he's usually a macaroon. Last week, he was old custard. It looked like if you left him on a warm windowsill, he would drip and stain the counter. A cursory examination revealed that he had a medieval plague.

"What..." he panted from the exertion of pushing his chair in, "What can you give me for a cold?" He sneezed and produced a maelstrom of snot.

"Nothing." I crossed myself for fear and took a step back.

"Seriously. I'll take anything."

"Seriously, there is nothing here that will save you. You need penicillin. Possibly experimental treatment."

He left a film of mucous behind him like Jabba the Hutt. I was relieved when he left.

Exhibit B is my favorite kind of customer. The kind that is obviously sick, and it becomes clear within ten seconds that they deserve to be that way.

Today a girl came up to the counter, eyes clouded, sniffling loudly, asking what I'd recommend for a cold. I gave her some ginger and ginseng, and she smiled and said she felt better already. Then she ordered a chocolate croissant with powdered sugar.

Um.

The all-time winner has GOT to be the next lady.

"What kinds of teas do you have for a cold?"

"Well, we have a lot of great herbals! Do you-"

"Just give me something that works."

"Well, I-"

"Look, I really don't care. I just want the best one you have."

"Our medicinal blend has rooibos, lemongrass, ginger, ginseng, and chamomile!"

"I want a large."

"Great! I'll-"

"I want it steeped in hot chocolate."

"Um..."

"..."

"Um... I don't think it'll really. You know what? Never mind. What kind of milk would you like?"

"Whole."

"Whipped cream?"

"Yes."

I don't think I need to say more. If you steep your medicinal tea blend in hot chocolate with whipped cream, there is no herb on this green planet that will save you.

GRE's and Tea

As many of you may know, on October 21st, 1 PM, I plan on settling my affairs, walking through the front door of an office building in Brighton, and feeding my soul to the Great Devourer, ETS.

I'll be sitting the GRE's, the test that determines whether or not one is intelligent enough to be considered for admission to higher higher education.

Here's a sample problem:

If there are 10 fully-funded openings at Masters University, 5,000 applicants, and the school requires a minimum of a 750 out of a possible 800 on the verbal portion of the GRE, approximately how many tears must an applicant cry before she has enough water to sail her imaginary boat down Anguish River?

I like to think that I'm the most English American I know. Despite being born in a part of the country that took a Scottish accent and cooked it for 300 years at 115˚, I've overcome the geographical disadvantages of my birth to become... positively smashing, as it were. A British man told me I had a caustic wit because I told him that he was besmirching his tea by adding milk, and asked me if we could be friends.

Why do I mention this? Because I decided that in the face of such adversity, I would keep calm, carry on, and do things the way the British do.

Rather than get the entire English department of my chosen university wildly addicted to cheap imported opiates, I thought I'd do the other Really British Thing:

Drink a cup of tea.

Let's Talk About Tea. It's My Job.

What is it, really?

Tea, black, white, green, oolong, pu-erh, and twig, all come from the exact same plant. One species of bush, camellia sinensis, is responsible for it all. The differences in taste comes from the part of the world it's grown in, the altitude (high in the mountains or down near the sea), and the treatment of the leaves after they're picked. White tea is the top bud and first leaf of the tea bush, while twig tea is, as you may guess, the twigs of the bush. But you could have asked Wikipedia all that.

This is Snackrobiotic. What teas do Macro people drink?

Tea has a role to play in the macrobiotic diet. Just keep in mind that when they say "tea," many times, they don't mean camellia sinensis, or Tea tea. Many of the teas your macro counselor will ask you to drink are actually, technically herbal infusions under the alias of "tea."

This is important, because some day you may be talking to a nerd and you'll make him really angry if you say you're a tea drinker and show him a box of "Throat Coat." He'll go off on some diatribe about how he studied under a Chinese tea master in San Francisco, you'll be trapped in a spell of boredom, and you'll really wish I had told you all this.

Twig Tea (Kukicha) *

Roasted Green Tea (Hojicha) *

Barley Tea

Genmaicha *

Umeboshi Plum Tea

Ume-Sho-Kuzu Tea

Yellow Dock, Dong Quai, Burdock Root, etc.

Rooibos Tea

Lemongrass Tea

Ginger Tea

The teas with the star next to them come from the proper tea plant. From a macrobiotic perspective, you shouldn't drink any of those teas on an empty stomach because the acidity of Tea tea is too strong and often results in nausea, abdominal pain, and excessive sweating.

I had a lady come into the tea shop last week who said she was allergic to black tea, but green, oolong, and white were okay. I tried to explain to her that this was incorrect because it's all... um... the same bush, but she told me, "I KNOW I'm allergic. When I drink black tea on an empty stomach, I throw up."

I'll bet she does. Because of the drying process of black tea, it will peel the inside of your stomach and small intestines like a grape if you drink it on an empty or acidic stomach.

Herbal infusions like yellow dock and dong quai can be amazingly effective, but should be ingested in the amounts recommended to you by your macrobiotic counselor. Many of these herbs can be too harsh for the body when ingested too frequently, so follow the instructions of your counselor closely to avoid side effects. For instance, a kuzu root tea can be amazingly effective at treating certain kinds of inflammation when taken 2-3 times a week, but any more than that can cause constipation.

What are some of the health effects of Tea tea?

This is where I'm going to nerd out for a second. Tea is an amazing plant, and some of the health benefits are, for the lack of a better word, really cool.

1. There is no such thing as a weight loss tea.

If you want to lose weight, stop eating sugar and put down that pitcher of whole milk. This is probably the most commonly asked question we get at the tea shop, and while Teavana will tell you something different so that you can spend $50 on their products, at my tea shop, we keep it real.

2. That being said, there are appetite-suppressing teas and teas that make you poop a lot.

The former, genmaicha, is a really warming blend of toasted, popped brown rice mixed with the high-quality Japanese green tea, gyokuro. Don't drink it on an empty stomach, but it's a pretty great way to avoid snacking while feeling satisfied.

The latter, pu-erh, is one of the most delicious, expensive teas on the market. It literally tastes like dirt and smells vaguely of fish. It's black or green tea that has been aged and fermented for months or even years!

It often is sold in a brick, and bricks can go for up to $1500. The best pu-erhs in America can be found in San Francisco's Chinatown, and are often sold to connoisseurs in back rooms. This is no joke. It's an "I know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy in Chinatown who has a brick of the good stuff" kind of a deal.

If you drink pu-erh, in about 8-12 hours, you poop. Lots. It's pretty remarkable, actually.

3. Rooibos is a lifesaver for colds.

The second most common question we get about tea is which one to drink when you're feeling ill. I like to start with a rooibos base and create the following:

Rooibos: African red bush tea, naturally caffeine-free and full of Vitamin C.

Cardamom Pods: These things really blast open your sinuses.

Peppermint: Also blasts open your sinuses

Cherry Bark: Smoothes and coats the inside of your throat

Slippery Elm: See above.

Cloves: Natural anesthetic. Numbs the pain.

4. Twig tea is a huge winner, and in our opinion, not enough people drink it.

This tea has a bit of a bad reputation in Japan, where it's associated with the post-WWII poverty of the nation. Because the nation's economy was crippled by the loss of the war, those who couldn't afford green tea turned to drinking the supposedly inferior twigs and discarded leaves of the bush for a darker, nuttier cup at a fraction of the cost of higher-grade national teas like sencha and gyokuro.

It's a shame it's got this reputation, because twig tea has many of the positive health benefits of green tea with far fewer of the negative effects, like caffeine stimulation and high acidity. Far more gentle and alkaline than its green counterpart, twig tea is the darling of the macrobiotic diet.

WOW. That was a ton of text. I hope you guys enjoyed it, and that you'll read when I share some fun and creative ways to cook and bake with tea!