Six years ago to the week, I had my wisdom teeth removed. Because I have a form of hemophilia, this had to be done in the hospital, so I was scared out of my mind. A sweet friend of mine who is a cancer survivor graciously agreed to walk my chicken butt down to the dental surgery wing. At this opportunity, she could have said things like,
"Wow! Your wisdom teeth, huh? That sounds SCARY." Or, possibly:
"You think this is bad? You know what they call 'dental surgery' in Maury County? A string and a door knob!"
But she didn't, she was kind and patient, and she validated all of my fears about my first real surgery. People on my dad's side of the family have a pretty big resilience to anesthetics and tranquilizers, so on an IV sedation, I woke up about half the way through.
"AAHG AAHFRAAG." Said I.
"Little darlin', you just sit tight. These puppies are in there real good." Said the nurse.
"FRAGG ARR FRATHAMA." I countered.
"John, give her another hit of the sedative." Said the nurse.
"She's had all she can take," Said the nurse anesthetist.
"GRAHGRAaaghhhhh," I retorted.
When they woke me up and my parents came into the room, I requested a piece of paper and a pencil. I was trying to write "I was awake the whole time." What I ended up writing was a squiggle.
The next day, I was starving, but my teeth hurt too much to eat anything stronger than broth. My little brother decided to be a jerk and eat a giant filet mignon right in front of me.
"Hey Beckyyyyy.... You HUNGRY???"
He waved the steak in front of me. Blazed on painkillers, I took a swat at him. He grinned and leapt away, deftly tearing the steak from my grasp. He sauntered into the kitchen, busted out a bottle of steak sauce, and sat down to eat.
I can only blame what happened next on the narcotics.
I staggered into the kitchen, grabbed the dripping steak from his plate with my bare hands, and walked away with it.
For once in his life, my little brother was totally speechless.
I dumped the steak sauce in the blender, dropped in the steak, and hit "LIQUIFY."
This is the result:
I share this story because last night, my little brother had five of his teeth pulled for cavities.
I will see him on Friday, at which point I look forward to making him a Steak