Kale Chips, Perfected.

I have discovered the way to make the most perfect kale chips. They are more perfect than my previous kale chips, not to mention a good deal greener.

The correct way to eat these Kale Chips is laying in bed, wearing huge jammies, watching "Modern Family."'

TO CREATE A MORE PERFECT KALE CHIP

THAT IS CONSIDERABLY LESS TIME-CONSUMING THAN IT USED TO BE

AND HAS PLEASING GREEN COLOR.

1. Preheat oven to 425.

2. Take a bundle (or three, if you're me and you want to pickle yourself) of kale and rinse it in the sink. The NEW TRICK I've learned is to make the chips As Big As Possible. I rip off the bottom part of the stems with few leaves, but I leave the heads of the smaller leaves intact, and I rip the bigger ones in half just one time.

3. Take these leaves and place them in a salad spinner. Spin them with gusto.

4. Mix 3 tbsp. olive oil with 3 tbsp. white wine vinegar and a pinch of sea salt. My biggest mistake is always over-salting the chips. It's better to under-salt than over salt, believe me.

5. Place them in the oven and bake ten minutes until the smallest leaves look flat and dark green/brown. They might be a little crispy, but having crunchy, brown small leaves means that the big leaves are about perfect.

Here's how I look at it. We're in the Lord of the Rings. We're in Middle Earth. The kale chips are a pack of orcs crossing Rohan, land of the horse lords.

There are a few orcs that are stragglers, they are runty and small, and they've fallen behind the rest of the pack. Then there are the big, strong, scary Uruk-hai created by Sauroman who like to scream and apply face paint. If the small orcs get eaten, it means that the pack is stronger and can run faster. It also means that the Uruk-hai make up the majority of the pack.

Sounds delicious.