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Sunday, July 31, 2011

The Long Awaited Pickles Arrive!

My brother-in-law Jeff embodies what many hipsters aspire to be. He's a lumberjack. He turns wooden bowls. He can grow a mustache.

Most importantly, Jeff makes his own artisan beers.

I am not as skilled as Jeff. The last tree I lifted from this mortal coil was the rose bush I puked on that withered and died a couple weeks ago. I can't turn wooden bowls. I am literally allergic to beer.

But after reading a stirring biography of Dom Perignon, I figured that if a 17th century Benedictine monk and my brother-in-law could find the time and storage to ferment, why couldn't I? I mean, what's my excuse? Dom Perignon didn't have the internet.

YOU CAN PICKLE, I PROMISE: A RECIPE AND MEMOIR

DAY 1, HOUR 1: ACQUIRE CUCUMBERS

We had about 10 kirby cucumbers from May's CSA membership, as well as two long, soft, anonymous cucumbers that were withering away quietly in the back of the fridge. They would see glory before they died.

Above, the cucumbers have been sliced into spears and COVERED in salt. We rubbed it in. We then covered and refrigerated it. We then refrigerated it for six hours-twelve hours. We probably watched reruns of Doctor Who for the duration of this process.

DAY 1, HOUR 6 OR 12:
Construct your brine. We used this recipe with McCormack brand pickling spice because it was $4.79 a jar, and to use the more delicious recipe, it would have been like $16 and we would have had excess celery seed that would have taken years to use up. The best way to do this is to use a recipe like Martha Stewart's Dill Pickle Chip recipe and purchase the seeds at your local bulk spice distributor.

  • 12 3 to 4 inch long pickling cucumbers
  • 2 cups water
  • 1 3/4 cups white vinegar
  • 1 1/2 cups chopped fresh dill weed
  • 1/2 cup brown rice syrup
  • 8 cloves garlic, chopped
  • 1 1/2 tablespoons coarse salt
  • 1 tablespoon pickling spice
  • 1 1/2 teaspoons dill seed
  • 1/2 teaspoon red pepper flakes, or to taste
  • 4 sprigs fresh dill weed

May took the reins from here on out. She heated the water and vinegar and spices until it boiled, and let it cool.
DAY 1, HALF AN HOUR AFTER THAT:
We rinsed the salt off the pickles and tossed them with chopped dill sprigs. May then packed them artfully into recycled jars, where they would nestle 'mongst the brine and spices which have been ladled in subsequently, for the next 3-4 days.

DAY 4. SUNRISE:
It feels like Christmas morning. You run to the fridge, throw open the doors and grab the nearest of seven jars of pickles. It might look a little cloudy. That's okay. From the top down, it looks gorgeous.

Wow. What we're seeing here are cucumbers, dill sprigs, cloves, crushed garlic cloves, and little balls of mustard seed floating around the jar. It really is killer for looks.

I drained out the liquid here so you can see how great it looks. It was time-consuming to wait four days, but we've been enjoying them for nearly a week and a half, and have a billion cucumbers to share with friends.

Looking back, I wouldn't use the McCormack pickling spice. It's so sweet that it's really better suited for corned beef hash. When we pickle next week, we're springing for the dill seed and celery seed to get a more savory, more dill-ish pickle. But that was easy! And it would make a KILLER Christmas present if Christmas was in August!

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