Sunday, July 3, 2011

LAID LOW: A Stomach Flu Story

"I haven't been eating enough macro food lately." I thought to myself.

Five hours later, bok choi, some dandelion greens, a handful of toasted pumpkin seeds, some brown rice, and carrot-daikon relish were indecorously deposited on a neighborhood rosebush.

My biggest regret was that I was vomiting macro food. To quote the Dixie Chicks School of Philosophy, "If I fall, you're coming down with me." If I was going to be sick, I wish it had been from really delicious food, like beer and cupcakes. It's no fun being punished for eating health food.

Was it celiac? Was it food poisoning? Was it the flu? I'm not sure. All I know is that I haven't thrown up with violent unpredictability on a street corner since I was in first grade and our teacher left the class Christmas party unchaperoned for fifteen minutes. I went to go visit a friend named Forrest after that (who I believe now has an illustrious career as a venture capitalist), leaned out of my mom's BMW, and threw up all over his driveway. Forrest held himself together. That's probably why he's a successful entrepreneur and I am an impoverished writer. It all comes down to pyloric sphincter control in the end.

I am back on solid foods today, and am hoping that all is well by the Fourth of July so that my Macro Barbecue can go as planned. I'd also like the opportunity to thank May for keeping me strong and on the macro path and encouraging me to try macro remedies instead of reaching for the anti-emetics. I'm SO glad I didn't take the anti-emetics!!!

And I'd like to share the fact that Bok Choi is probably one of the worst foods in the world to throw up. It's disgusting. It'll be about a year before I can feel okay about Bok Choi again.

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