GRE's and Tea

As many of you may know, on October 21st, 1 PM, I plan on settling my affairs, walking through the front door of an office building in Brighton, and feeding my soul to the Great Devourer, ETS.

I'll be sitting the GRE's, the test that determines whether or not one is intelligent enough to be considered for admission to higher higher education.

Here's a sample problem:

If there are 10 fully-funded openings at Masters University, 5,000 applicants, and the school requires a minimum of a 750 out of a possible 800 on the verbal portion of the GRE, approximately how many tears must an applicant cry before she has enough water to sail her imaginary boat down Anguish River?

I like to think that I'm the most English American I know. Despite being born in a part of the country that took a Scottish accent and cooked it for 300 years at 115˚, I've overcome the geographical disadvantages of my birth to become... positively smashing, as it were. A British man told me I had a caustic wit because I told him that he was besmirching his tea by adding milk, and asked me if we could be friends.

Why do I mention this? Because I decided that in the face of such adversity, I would keep calm, carry on, and do things the way the British do.

Rather than get the entire English department of my chosen university wildly addicted to cheap imported opiates, I thought I'd do the other Really British Thing:

Drink a cup of tea.

Let's Talk About Tea. It's My Job.

What is it, really?

Tea, black, white, green, oolong, pu-erh, and twig, all come from the exact same plant. One species of bush, camellia sinensis, is responsible for it all. The differences in taste comes from the part of the world it's grown in, the altitude (high in the mountains or down near the sea), and the treatment of the leaves after they're picked. White tea is the top bud and first leaf of the tea bush, while twig tea is, as you may guess, the twigs of the bush. But you could have asked Wikipedia all that.

This is Snackrobiotic. What teas do Macro people drink?

Tea has a role to play in the macrobiotic diet. Just keep in mind that when they say "tea," many times, they don't mean camellia sinensis, or Tea tea. Many of the teas your macro counselor will ask you to drink are actually, technically herbal infusions under the alias of "tea."

This is important, because some day you may be talking to a nerd and you'll make him really angry if you say you're a tea drinker and show him a box of "Throat Coat." He'll go off on some diatribe about how he studied under a Chinese tea master in San Francisco, you'll be trapped in a spell of boredom, and you'll really wish I had told you all this.

Twig Tea (Kukicha) *

Roasted Green Tea (Hojicha) *

Barley Tea

Genmaicha *

Umeboshi Plum Tea

Ume-Sho-Kuzu Tea

Yellow Dock, Dong Quai, Burdock Root, etc.

Rooibos Tea

Lemongrass Tea

Ginger Tea

The teas with the star next to them come from the proper tea plant. From a macrobiotic perspective, you shouldn't drink any of those teas on an empty stomach because the acidity of Tea tea is too strong and often results in nausea, abdominal pain, and excessive sweating.

I had a lady come into the tea shop last week who said she was allergic to black tea, but green, oolong, and white were okay. I tried to explain to her that this was incorrect because it's all... um... the same bush, but she told me, "I KNOW I'm allergic. When I drink black tea on an empty stomach, I throw up."

I'll bet she does. Because of the drying process of black tea, it will peel the inside of your stomach and small intestines like a grape if you drink it on an empty or acidic stomach.

Herbal infusions like yellow dock and dong quai can be amazingly effective, but should be ingested in the amounts recommended to you by your macrobiotic counselor. Many of these herbs can be too harsh for the body when ingested too frequently, so follow the instructions of your counselor closely to avoid side effects. For instance, a kuzu root tea can be amazingly effective at treating certain kinds of inflammation when taken 2-3 times a week, but any more than that can cause constipation.

What are some of the health effects of Tea tea?

This is where I'm going to nerd out for a second. Tea is an amazing plant, and some of the health benefits are, for the lack of a better word, really cool.

1. There is no such thing as a weight loss tea.

If you want to lose weight, stop eating sugar and put down that pitcher of whole milk. This is probably the most commonly asked question we get at the tea shop, and while Teavana will tell you something different so that you can spend $50 on their products, at my tea shop, we keep it real.

2. That being said, there are appetite-suppressing teas and teas that make you poop a lot.

The former, genmaicha, is a really warming blend of toasted, popped brown rice mixed with the high-quality Japanese green tea, gyokuro. Don't drink it on an empty stomach, but it's a pretty great way to avoid snacking while feeling satisfied.

The latter, pu-erh, is one of the most delicious, expensive teas on the market. It literally tastes like dirt and smells vaguely of fish. It's black or green tea that has been aged and fermented for months or even years!

It often is sold in a brick, and bricks can go for up to $1500. The best pu-erhs in America can be found in San Francisco's Chinatown, and are often sold to connoisseurs in back rooms. This is no joke. It's an "I know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy in Chinatown who has a brick of the good stuff" kind of a deal.

If you drink pu-erh, in about 8-12 hours, you poop. Lots. It's pretty remarkable, actually.

3. Rooibos is a lifesaver for colds.

The second most common question we get about tea is which one to drink when you're feeling ill. I like to start with a rooibos base and create the following:

Rooibos: African red bush tea, naturally caffeine-free and full of Vitamin C.

Cardamom Pods: These things really blast open your sinuses.

Peppermint: Also blasts open your sinuses

Cherry Bark: Smoothes and coats the inside of your throat

Slippery Elm: See above.

Cloves: Natural anesthetic. Numbs the pain.

4. Twig tea is a huge winner, and in our opinion, not enough people drink it.

This tea has a bit of a bad reputation in Japan, where it's associated with the post-WWII poverty of the nation. Because the nation's economy was crippled by the loss of the war, those who couldn't afford green tea turned to drinking the supposedly inferior twigs and discarded leaves of the bush for a darker, nuttier cup at a fraction of the cost of higher-grade national teas like sencha and gyokuro.

It's a shame it's got this reputation, because twig tea has many of the positive health benefits of green tea with far fewer of the negative effects, like caffeine stimulation and high acidity. Far more gentle and alkaline than its green counterpart, twig tea is the darling of the macrobiotic diet.

WOW. That was a ton of text. I hope you guys enjoyed it, and that you'll read when I share some fun and creative ways to cook and bake with tea!

The Flu That Came and Went

So after a breakneck week of studying, working, and driving out to the Berkshires, my health collapsed on Sunday, and all day yesterday, I felt rotten.

In many ways, my illness was a wonderful teacher because it was a very forceful, immediate reminder of what my body could and couldn't handle. Last year, if I stayed up past 1 AM or mixed the wrong foods, I got horribly nauseated.

Now that my health is so much stronger and I can "cheat" without too much immediate consequence, I get these irritating colds a bit more often. It's hard to force myself to observe strict macrobiotics when I can get away with being vegan/no processed foods so easily. It was a real eye-opener being at Kushi this weekend and realizing how far I have to go to recenter my cooking.

My body served as an excellent teacher again with this cold. We made a few huge pots of macro soups and concentrates, including one with stewed bok choi that was pretty life-changing. I went a little heavy on the mirin, though, and was rewarded with some pretty extreme congestion an hour later.

That being said, my body reacted very well to this return to a simple, slow-cooked diet, and when I woke up this morning, the cold was completely gone. I had a high fever the night before and was MISERABLE, and all of my friends were sick as dogs. So I'm so thankful to have benefited from this healing food!

Rocking Collards

I don't have a picture of these awesome collard greens I made the other day, so I'm just going to put up a picture of my dog.

I was trying to cobble together a dinner using rice, the fish in the fridge, and some collard greens. I was totally sick of all my collard green recipes that I've made a billion times before, so I got hit with a crazy idea.

Lemon juice.

The result was light and bright, a perfect compliment to the spiced tuna and jasmine rice.

LEMON COLLARD GREENS

-1/2 lemon, juiced

-1 bunch collard greens

-1 small yellow onion, sliced into thin strips

-4 garlic cloves, minced

-pinch coarse sea salt

-(optional) pinch ground black pepper

Slice the onions into thin strips, mince garlic cloves. I am a garlic fanatic and did six cloves, but not everyone shares my obsession. Pan-fry the garlic until it just begins to brown, and then add the onion, cooking 3-4 minutes at medium-high heat. I typically slice my collard greens into 3-4 inch thick strips, and add them just after I finish the onions.

At this point, it's important to be judicious with oil. It's really easy to see the ingredients sticking to the pan and slosh some more oil in here, but I've found that adding 2-3 tbsp. cold water works even better, keeps the flavor light, and keeps it low-cal. If you add the water, let it simmer down a few minutes and then add your lemon juice and spices.

The whole cooking process takes between 15-20 minutes and results in a totally rocking collard dish!

Life Changes and Lattes

I was reading back on some posts I did a couple months ago before I went home. Turns out there were some big life changes headed my way, and I'm pleased to announce that beginning in January, I'll be taking on a five month macrobiotic apprenticeship!

My friend Natalie was telling me that there's a difference between a "pull" and a "call." A pull towards something means that you feel a nervous urge to do it, whether from guilt, desire, or some sort of need. A call is quieter, and often much more subtle. It can be long term, never "pulling," simply waiting at the periphery of your life for you to decide that it's the right thing to do.

I have felt a call to take on a more serious study of macrobiotic practice that has been growing for some time, and once I stopped fighting the urge to be right in the thick of things here in the city, it became clear that it was the right thing for me to do, and that this is the right time for me to do it.

I plan on setting down some major roots in the next two years (graduate school, a dog, a lease with my name on it and checks that don't have hello kitty on them)... so this feels like the right time for me to do this.

Ok, onto the next. I had two major culinary accomplishments today:

1. Homemade vegan lattes.

2. "Buttermilk" Scallion-Corn muffins.

As you know, I am a purveyor of artisan crafted beverages by day, so on my days off, I find myself utterly bereft of steamed foamy drinks. This morning I went to the yuppie grocery and got two soy lattes. This evening I needed another, so I cleverly heated soy milk to boiling, put on an oven mitt because it was insanely hot, and used the $3 Ikea Milk Frother to make a drink that looked nothing like this:

But it tasted pretty good.

My second victory was a modification of a positively stellar Martha Stewart recipe that blew my mind with its utter goodness. I told May I'd make her dinner because she's been cooking all kinds of insanely good Chinese comfort food lately for my cold-ridden self. The theme? Southern Comfort.

We had vegan chili with kidney beans, organic local onions, and a bunch of other stuff I'm not too sure about. We had patatuh salahd, as it were. And we had these amazing freaking biscuits. I know that I just wrote a tirade about making vegan substitutions and calling it healthy. So hear me say:

This is not healthy.

There we go. I feel heard. Onto the muffins:

Ingredients

• 1 cup yellow cornmeal
• 1/2 cup garbanzo bean flour

1/2 cup brown rice flour

• 2 tablespoons agave nectar/ brown rice syrup
• 1 1/2 teaspoon baking powder
• 2 teaspoon coarse salt
• 1 cup plus 2 tablespoons rice or soy milk
• 1 tbsp white or white wine vinegar
• 4 tablespoons oil
• 2 large eggs, whisked
• 1/2 cup chopped scallions
• 1/2 cup fresh corn, cooked first

Directions

1. Preheat oven to 450 degrees. Lightly grease 6 cups of a standard-size muffin pan with vegetable oil. In a large bowl,
   combine cornmeal, flour, sugar, baking powder, and salt. Make a well in the center; stir in buttermilk, oil, egg, and scallions. Fill muffin cups two-thirds full and bake until a toothpick inserted in center of a muffin comes out clean, 10 to 13 minutes.

Courtesy of Martha Stewart. Modifications by Becky to make it dairy free and gluten-free and more delicious. I was privileged in my muffins to have both local scallions and local corn, which totally heightened the experience, because the cornmeal I was using was so generic it was probably GMO'd to glow in the dark so it could be picked at night.

How Not to Be A Healthy Vegan

So I just picked up the Humane Society's "Guide to Meat-Free Meals" from my local vegan restaurant. I love the HS. They do amazing work for animals and prevent needless cruelty and suffering among the most vulnerable members of our society.

That being said, the guide is totally insane.

Almost ever article in the fourteen page guide mentions the health benefits of a vegetarian/vegan diet. And I quote:

"There is no question that largely vegetarian diets are as healthy as you can get."

"The health benefits are clear. People who eat fewer animal products have lower rates of obesity, dementia..."

"The population with the longest life expectancy isn't the Okinawa Japanese or the Mediterranean Sardinians, but California Adventist vegetarians, who live up to 10 years longer than the average American..."

Ok, so here's what's up. I subcontracted for the Adventist church last year and saw how the vegan diet was woven into the fabric of their faith, and it was pretty amazing. There is an entire Adventist subculture devoted to natural healing with foods that should sound pretty familiar to um... everyone reading this blog.

That being said, don't believe every study you read. To say that the Okinawan people (who consume more or less a macrobiotic diet with occasional fish) aren't quite as ripe in the years as the Adventist vegetarians quite literally means that they, on average, die a whopping 17 months before their California counterparts. I'll bet those centenarian Adventist ladies are shaking their wooden ladles in a victory cry right now.

Why am I bringing this up when I totally believe that a (mostly) vegan diet is the secret to a happy long life?

Because the important word in that sentence isn't vegan. It's diet.

And this is important, because in this guide for vegan newbies, the recipes they provide are nutritional crap. And this is important because anybody who eats this food and thinks that they're reducing their chances of obesity, dementia, hemmorhoids, constipation, sudden death, etc. has another thing coming to them. And that thing is probably a yeast infection.

Exhibit A:

Creamy Macaroni and Cheese Casserole

8 ounces pasta, any shape
3 cups Daiya cheddar style shreds
3 tablespoons margarine
¼ teaspoon black pepper
1 tablespoon nutritional yeast (a cheesy-flavored inactive yeast full of vitamins and minerals)
2 cups unsweetened soy or rice milk
½ cup bread crumbs
¼ teaspoon paprika
¼ cup vegan parmesan cheese (optional)

It's vegan, and they managed not to fit a single vegetable in it!

Exhibit B:

Cupcakes

1 ¼ cups flour
¾ cup sugar
½ cup cocoa powder
1 teaspoon baking soda
¼ teaspoon salt
¼ teaspoon instant espresso powder (optional)
1 cup nondairy milk
1 teaspoon vinegar
1⁄3 cup vegetable oil
1 teaspoon pure vanilla extract
½ cup vegan chocolate chips (optional)
Sweet & Sara Vanilla Marshmallows

Frosting

½ cup soy margarine, melted
2⁄3 cup cocoa powder
1⁄3 cup soy, rice, or almond milk
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
3 cups confectioners’ sugar

Ironically, this recipe is juxtaposed against an article about Alicia Silverstone's guide to losing weight on a vegan diet. Here's a great place to start: Don't eat these cupcakes, for the love of God.

Nearly every recipe has some kind of "meat" replacement. Here's what's true:

1. Soysage will never taste like sausage. Ever. Trying to convince people to give up their sausage for soysage is like trying to get someone to give up their Volkswagon Beetle for a wagon.

2. Great vegan food isn't about replacing meat with "meat." It's about eating amazing fruits, vegetables, beans, and grains that could never be replaced by meat. It's about being creative, exploring new foods, and finding out how your body can heal and grow through diet changes.

There are enough great reasons to go vegan without bringing up fake meat. Fake meat and fake dairy are not great reasons to go vegan. They certainly shouldn't be paraded as healthy. That's why this blog is called "Snackro" instead of just "Macro." There's a difference between snack food and real food, and if you're writing a guide telling people how to get healthy by eating a bunch of processed soy and nutritional yeast, that's bogus...

Don't Make Kitchen Sink Miso

Hello friends! I have a HUGE LIFE CHANGE I'm dying to share with y'all, but until it gets finalized this week and I sign the dotted line, I remain in limbo and have to sit on this big news.

I've really been lax this summer as the sun and warm weather have supported my health, but we're all going to have to be more mindful as we move into the fall and the ragweed comes out.

Lately, I've been experiencing a lot of congestion.

Thankfully, there's a great macro fix for that. If you're sneezing and dripping and you're not eating morning miso, I've found that the next day my sinuses will clear up after a hearty bowl.

Here are my usual morning add-ins, but I like to switch it up so that I get a variety of veggies:

MISO VEGGIES!

-The holy trinity: Onions, Celery, Carrot. This makes the most tasty bowl, in my opinion
-Napa cabbage/bok choi
-Chickpeas
-Wakame
-Shiitake mushrooms
-Dried daikon / dried burdock

Play around with specific combinations rather than just making "trash can soup." You wouldn't just throw everything in your fridge on a sandwich, so be discerning and try to have directed flavors in your miso. It's much more palatable that way. For instance, I like some oven-roasted leeks and chickpeas for flavor with something that's a little more mild, like daikon, for health.

As tempting as it is, Ginny always reminds me to make my miso mild in the morning so that I'm not craving salt or sugar all day. I use about 1 tsp. South River Miso per pot, 2 if it's especially full.

Enjoy your miso, have fun with it, and don't forget that just because it's healing, doesn't mean it can't have flavor.

Seasonal Transitioning

Hello snackers! It's Thursday, I have the next three days off, and I'm doing a macro re-focusing weekend!

CLEANSE

I find that both my life and the weather up here in Massachusetts are about to undergo some pretty major changes, and during times of transition, it's crucial to support our health. Also May told me that my eyes looked cloudy and that I had gotten too yin, and she can tell if you're getting sick a month away, so I defer to her :)

The tricky thing about this cleanse is that the grocery stores around here have been pretty thin on groceries lately. I feel like I've eaten so many carrots that I'm going to turn orange. I haven't seen a daikon or burdock worth its salt in weeks. I had a wonderful leek stir-fry a couple days ago, but having cooked so much "snackro" and not enough "macro" lately, I over-salted the heck out of it, and it was more like pickles than vegetables.

NAUGHTY VEGETABLES

The problem is that the veggies that are seasonal at the moment are not macrobiotic veggies. Like, all of them:

-Potatoes

-Tomatoes

-Eggplants

-Bell Peppers

-Corn

-Jalopenos

One macrobiotic website referred to tomatoes as "Cancer Apples." Um. Extreme.

I hate bell peppers, so that's no problem. After reading about deadly nightshade, the near relative of eggplant, I now have no desire to ever eat an eggplant again. If I am tempted, I try to think of it as a Pokemon, and file it under "vegan prohibitions."

But corn? Potatoes? That's just depressing.

Here are the recipes I'm going to try to knock out this week:

+ Carrot, Onion, and Hijiki Salad with Wild Rice Mix and steamed seasonal vegetables

+ Mochi waffles!

+ Mustard, collard, and watercress greens with umeboshi plum dressing

+ Coconut shredded blueberry pie

+ Steamed green stack with light lemon flax dressing

Wish me luck! We'll see how it goes!